This is the latest thought from a Houston songwriter. Proceed with caution.
I used to wonder why a wife would want to stay home all day while the husband works. She’ll be bored and start getting into stuff that would cause all kinds of trouble. My husband and I definitely agreed on that when we got married. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. I thought I could do so much more if I multitasked. What I have recently discovered is that I wasn’t doing any one thing well. I was worried about home at work, and worried about work at home. Now, here I am waiting on the arrival of our new addition and I am on leave from work, which technically means that I am a stay at home wife/mom. This stuff is not as easy as it looks! I’ve set daily goals for myself, things that need to be done and each day it’s a challenge to see if those tasks are actually accomplished. I feel accomplished and proud each day that I do something that helps advance the plans my husband and I have set for the future. I’m disappointed if I don’t accomplish all the things or several of the things on my to-do list but that gives me more determination to try harder the next day. I’m able to self-regulate and that is essential during these last few days of pregnancy. When my husband gets home from work, (most days) he arrives to a rested wife and a dinner plan (we’re gonna be honest, dinner isn’t always waiting on him). I am also more mentally balanced. We’ve had more intimate conversations during these days than we’ve had in the past year or more. I’ve learned more about him and he has learned more about me because when we are both home, I am not trying to shake off any craziness that I encountered during what would have been considered a normal workday (my previous job situation was NOT ideal). Do I plan to stay home indefinitely? No, not at all. The plan is for me to spend 4-5 months home with are little one and then transition myself back into the workforce. But I have a keen appreciation for those women who do stay home. If a wife and husband decide and can afford for the wife to stay home, I think a plan can be developed to make that happen in a way that works best for that household. I won’t permanently be a housewife but I am enjoying it for right now.
Kids are great. I love kids. But kids are evil. You’re getting fooled by their tiny hands and cute faces and that’s why you think I’m trippin. But I’m not. If you just let a kid roam free without discipline, they’ll burn everything down and not bat an eyelash. I know you may be thinking something like “They don’t know any better.” A lot of them DO know any better they just don’t give a shit. If you spend enough time with a kid, you’ll see what I mean.
I know a LOT of teachers. If you know some, you should talk to them. They’ll tell how little kids give a fuck about anybody else. See a lot of you don’t know your kids because you don’t spend enough time with them. You know who spends a lot of time with them? Their teachers. Teachers know way more about your kid than you do but that’s another blog, another day.
So what do I mean by evil right? Kids are selfish as hell. Everything is completely about them and what THEY want. If you never discipline a child, they won’t share with other kids. They’ll hit them. They’ll snatch their toys away from them. Shit, they’ll hit you. Your 4 times bigger than them and they’ll hit you. That means that if they had enough strength, they would really hurt you and not feel about it. You have to MAKE them feel bad about it. Put it like this, if you gave a kid a gun and told them they couldn’t have some candy, they would SHOOT you. Ain’t that evil? If you got something in your hands that they want, they’ll steal it from you. All of this is assuming you haven’t tried to teach them how to not be evil. That’s why kids throw temper tantrums. If they knew another way to make stuff happen, their way, they would do it. They would steal it, they would kill it, they would try to break it or something.
With all this being said just know that you have to actively train that evil out of a child. You have to teach them to share. Teach them not to hurt people. Teach them not to hurt you. Teach them empathy and remorse. Teach them gentleness etc. Or, you can just wait around at the courthouse and wait to be shocked at the evil shit your “baby” did.
I wasn’t a virgin before I got married. Many times I wish I had been though. I know it’s not cool to say or to even think about, but when you actually get married it makes sense. I remember being teased in middle school because everybody I know was supposedly not a virgin no more and I’m the only one at the table like “I’m savin it for my wife.” But I knew all about it. I had books, magazines, I even had access to all the porn videos. I used to look at all that stuff and be like “I’m gon do my wife like that.” No jackin off, no horniness no nothing. I looked at em like regular movies and laughed at the funny faces people made. (We gettin too real?)
But high school came around and I got introduced to the real thing wit the girlfriend I had. I figured we were going to grow up and get married so it’s not really a big deal. What I didn’t figure was that I was 14 and had no fuckin clue what I was talkin about. Either way, after getting introduced that day, my whole life changed. In my opinion, it changed for the worse. Why do I say that? Because the very first thing I wanted to do after that first time was make that happen as much as possible for the rest of my life. And THAT is where the problem comes in.
You have no idea the amount of guilt I had on me when thinking about joining myself to my wife forever knowing I had spread myself so thin. I wasn’t a super hoe either so I can only imagine the shit that men feel when they been smashing and dashing anything movin. I was picky, but a lot of em didn’t deserve it. But I always thought about what it would have been like if I had waited until I got married before I chopped my first tree. I know what you’re thinking…”what about her? She prolly wasn’t a virgin either.” I’m not talking about her foo, I’m talkin about me. Mind you I know I wouldn’t have known what the hell I was doin and would have prolly busted fast as hell but we woulda got better at it as time went on. And that’s the joy of marriage. Growing together as a couple and learning each other through and through. But it was people that knew me before I got married and it’s not really fair to her. Just a thought. Tell me what you think about it.
P.S. - I’m sure that most of the people reading this ain’t no virgin but it’s my blog and I say what I want. THUG LIFE!!
Don’t get mad yet. You don’t even know what I’m about to say. Peep. One things I noticed after having my first child is that everybody asked me “Is your wife going back to work after ya’ll have the baby?” I was always confused like “Hell yea she’s going back to work. Why would she not go?” Then after talking to folks, I noticed that a lot of people’s answer to that question was actually “No”. Many times the man in the relationship was surprised at this. But he didn’t wanna fight so he just said “That’s a bet”.
Then it got me to thinkin. (You know how much trouble that has caused before). Why didn’t anybody ask me if I’m going to be staying home with the baby? Why aren’t people asking her if I’m staying home? Do these wives know that they’re planning to stay home while they are in college getting degrees and working full time jobs? Are they actually planning this stuff out before hand and not telling the man until the baby is here? All of these questions lead to the point. Do women really wanna work? Or do they really wanna take care of the house and do the kid thing? Is it a money thing? If he made enough money to take care of everything would she rather be at home or try to save the world at work? You still have a lot of time with your child when you go to work unless you work overseas or some crazy hours.
Is it about convenience? I understand that everybody doesn’t trust daycares and strangers watching their children and the prices are high. But if daycare is $1300 and you make $2500, wouldn’t that extra $1200 be worth leaving the house early in the morning and dealing with people on the job? These are just the questions that come up about this subject. What do you think? Do really wanna work or are they just buying time to have kids so they can stay home and take care of them?
Think about this.
I love to hear church people say stuff like “The Devil won’t hold me back.” Or “I won’t let the Devil get the best of me.” Mainly because I just heard somebody lie to themselves. I wanna paint a picture of who you’re up against for a second. The Devil has been around for a looooong time. He’s dealt with every kind of person imaginable. He was there when Cane killed Abel and he was there when Bill Clinton was gettin head by that intern.
He knows way more about God than you do. He knows the Bible. He’s one of the main characters in the Bible. He tricked Adam, Moses, he even knows Jesus. In Cane and Abel’s day you were able to have a full conversation with God. And they STILL were tricked. You can’t even stop your boyfriend from cheating on you. How do you think you can stop somebody whose sole purpose for living is to steal kill and destroy? The Devil runs this world. All of the shiny shit that you see and that you’re so attracted to comes from him. You have a natural bond with the Devil that automatically bends you to his will like the way that rain is bent to fall down instead of up. And you think you’re going to “Step on the Devils head?”
So what am I saying? In the hood you never actually get a chance to run shit on your own. You meet other influential people and THEY help you run shit. Example: When everybody knows that you’re connected to stone cold killers, everybody leaves you alone. You don’t have to be the killer. You just gotta be on the killer’s good side to make it work. It’s the same with the Devil. In this case Jesus is the guy. You’re not the guy. You’re the guy that knows Jesus(Stone cold Killer). If you put all your trust in him, he’ll protect you from the Devil. But be very VERY clear…..you ain’t doin anything. The Devil is smarter than you, older than you, he also is engrained inside your DNA so trust in the Lord with all your heart and stop talking shit before the Devil kick yo ass.
P.S. - You can’t even stop thinking about having sex outside of marriage. How do you expect to beat the person who is in charge of making sure the sin stockprice is high?
First off, understand my background. I was raised around women. I got Aunties and sisters and cousins and I’ve seen them handle business. I don’t know a life where women have limits on what they can do. I’m not talking about because they are mooching, I’m talking about because they are fearless and smart. All throughout school and my working career I’ve watched women do everything that men can do with no added effort. I’ve had female bosses and co-workers that were way more capable than me. I’ve also seen other people try to play women for cheap. With this understood, note that I understand that men and women are different, but women are a lot more capable than most people give them credit for.
This is one of the reasons why it seems like I treat women badly. I don’t treat them bad. I treat them like a human. If a man starts loud talking and being disruptive, then somebody gets on they ass. If a woman does this, most people just let her make it. But I’m the one that gets on her ass. Because she don’t have to act like that. She’s capable of a lot more and everybody around her is crippling her by playing the “That’s how women are” card. If we treated men like this they would be fucked up too. You let a man go around terrorizing everybody without gettin on his ass and watch how lazy he’ll be. Most of the biggest changes I’ve ever seen have came at the hands of a woman. I’ve seen a women work 2 or 3 jobs just to have enough money to help her mom out. I’ve seen a woman start building a storage room and turn it into a house. I’ve often had to depend on women to get work done in my career. I KNOW the capabilities of a women once she takes those shackles off.
Being a woman is not an excuse to play the victim every time you have relationship issues. Stop being dumb and messing wit trash. Don’t say there’s a glass ceiling at work or you can’t find a job. You don’t have a criminal record you can find a fuckin job you’re just lazy. You don’t have friends because you’re a terrible friend to people. It’s not because you’re a woman. Stop being fake and maybe you can get genuine friendships. You can get up and go to work too. You can go to school and save the world too. You can start a business and change the economy too. You can go to work, raise your kids with manners, and be a role model all at the same time. I stay we stop treating women like barbies and let em know that we all in this thang together now. No excuses over here. Pretty harsh right? Stop being a bitch.
These days there are plenty to do. Just your phone alone can keep you busy for hours. Facebook, Tumblr, twitter, Vine, games, youtube, etc. Then you got video games, movies, music, fantasy football, gym memberships, clubs, bars, books, coffee shops, etc. We have all these things that we do so we don’t we don’t stay the B-word. Bored. I understand being bored but all of those things I named were being consumed. Nothing was created during this time. Somebody else created it and we’re using it. If everybody is consuming these things, who’s creating them? And what do they do when they get bored? Create perhaps? Well why don’t we spend time creating stuff instead of spending all of these hours out of the week consuming stuff in the name of boredom? Just a random thought.